The belief in something more, something greater…

For a long time, since I was a very young child, I have felt the need to ‘stand out’ and be special in the eyes of others, and in ‘my own’ eyes in terms of being conscious of how others view me. I noticed at a young age that there are certain things one could do that would appeal to others that would get me noticed and gain some kind of favor, which visibly came in the form of positive attention. I noticed this primarily with adults, I would do certain things – basically entertain the adults, which in hindsight seem to have appealed to their sense of what is ‘funny’ and ‘cute’ and entertaining.

So at a young age I learned that some things work and some don’t – why did this matter? Because at an even younger age I realized on some level that survival is everything (or at least came to believe this) in terms of my survival being very ‘conditional’ and having to find ways to create the ‘right conditions’ to be able to have the best chance to survive.

So this was the point I had to push to the max. I had to appeal to people, get their attention, be noticed, make them happy, make them smile, do it a lot and to the utmost. Because what if other competitors come on to the scene for the ‘love’ of others?

I had to be the most noticeable. The most special. The greatest. Etc etc. Something so great and powerful and profound that I would be revered and never questioned as such. This ‘power’ figure of being ‘something greater’ was also a view in light in which I viewed my mother, as from birth she was my source for survival and thus I viewed her as ‘more powerful’, almost god-like, because I didn’t understand why or anything, and I was bound to her for my survival.

I then spent most of my life trying to be this ‘force’, this god-like essence, and yet at the same time searching for it, seeking it out, attempting to get as close as possible to it, learn from it, integrate and become one with it. Ironic.

From this, I unwittingly had formed a belief in god as a higher power – which was a belief that I was not even aware of – as this ‘higher power’ as the source of my survival. It was never clear to me that this was the case as my God came in the form of an essence as ‘power’ and ‘something greater than, out there somewhere’ – very mysterious lol. In fact this ‘god’ I was always looking for was ‘god’ as the source of my survival, which is in fact money (or those who hold money or that which brings you money).

And I searched for God. Endlessly. I have been looking for this higher power, this ‘something more’, this ‘something greater than’ that always seems to be somewhere out there of reach and unable to be found.

Although it is quite amazing that I never discovered what God is in fact in this world until someone pointed it out to me, I did (with somewhat more awareness, but still not really conscious of it) associate this ‘higher power’ with feelings and emotions. There tended to be a specific emotional/feeling experience that was linked/attached to experiences wherein I would get what I wanted/needed within the context of survival. It is like the polar opposite to the feeling/emotional experience of the fear of death – a feeling/emotional experience of feeling great because I staved off death and this fear of death has been temporarily suppressed.

So, as much as associating survival with certain things and people which appealed to me resonantly as ‘something greater’, I associated it greatly as well with feelings. FEELING good. FEELING happy. And before I knew it, I was hooked, and have spent most of my life addicted to the energy of the mind, the drugs of the mind that keep me in never ending experiences of emotional highs and lows.

And I have been looking for this ‘something more’ in EVERYTHING – the mind really is like a vampire leech that will stop at nothing to feed its hunger, and disregards all in its path. People, animals, nature – all of LIFE become nothing more than accessories that serve to satisfy in the minds eye.

And yet after pursuing all of these wild goose chases – at the end of every yellow-brick road there is never a pot of gold – that ‘something more’ that I have always been searching for, I never seem to find! And If I do, I can never keep it, never hold it, never completely…and the whole experience just becomes one of fearfully trying to get something and then fearing to lose it once you have it.

I have really duped myself, I have really believed in this higher power as God, to such an extent that I have even tried to find it within and as the Desteni I Process – impossible! It doesn’t exist, it is not there, it has never been there – WHAT I HAVE BEEN WANTING AND LOOKING AND HOPING FOR I WILL NEVER FIND. Could it be that all I have ever been searching for all along has been myself?

At the end of every illusion is NOTHING – and all are living in some sort of illusion it seems…what will be made of us when it is all said and done?

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is something ‘more than’ or ‘greater than’ me or anything or anyone

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe in a higher power as money or as a feeling/emotional experience

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe in a higher power as ‘something out there somewhere’ to be sought out and attained as a feeling/emotional experience or person/thing with a perceived ‘special’ value

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is something ‘greater than’ to be attained as a feeling experience or attainment of possessions as experiences, people and things

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Don’t change what you do – change who you are

This is something that I realized a long time ago, thanks to the assistance and support I received through studying the Desteni material. It may seem like a small piece of advice but for me this point has been crucial and a real learning curve, as for years I had been attempting to change my actions and not my essence, resulting in nothing more than self suppression and a compounding of the mind constructs that drive me to do what I do and exist as I exist.


It has made my process difficult – because for such a long time I have been in a habit of judging my actions, yet in that self judgment it was as if I was accepting tacitly on some level that this is action was a reflection of who I really was – as if I was born flawed and there is ‘something wrong with me’.


And if I continue down this path, it is like exiling myself into oblivion because I can find plenty of reasons to believe that I am born in sin.


Never before until I found Desteni did I really consider what had happened to me, who I had become and how – how I became the personality I did through my life experience as a mental condition through which I now exist. I never ever even fathomed that such profound and real self change was ever possible.


Through the Desteni I Process I was shown that there is a comprehensive way in which one can uncover who they have become in a process of self discovery of who we really are as life. It has supported me to stop judging myself for what I have become to be able to face myself and correct myself so that I am able to truly live in a way that is best for all life, where I no longer have this experience of self judgment, guilt, regret and shame.


It was Bernard Poolman of back in 2009 who told me to stop judging myself, and if I had understood how to do this at the time, I probably would have (lol). Now, through the Desteni I Process and a commitment to myself as life it is possible to stop all self judgment of what I have become and get down to the real work of facing that which I have become – head on and without judgment or fear – and change myself within the context of what is best for all life.


You should try it.


Because as I said a long time ago to a fellow Destonian on the Destonian forums: do not change what you do – change who you are – because it is who you are that will determine everything that you do.

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Why the Kony campaign will not change the world

I have recently been educated about the Kony movement and all the people that are focusing on this issue of bringing Kony to justice. What I firstly noticed was that the man who started the campaign had a personal encounter with one of Kony’s victims. This experience seemed to have a strong impact on the person who started the Kony campaign as – you can see in his documentary video – he vows heroically to the victim that he will bring Kony to justice.


The documentary proceeds to show footage of the movement and people becoming aware of this issue and joining this movement. The main focus is about how ‘if enough people care and are aware, we can change this/stop this’ – and from this point there is proclamation that people are in fact becoming aware of the issue, and ‘answering the call’ to support the movement, either through donations, networking or awareness demonstrations. It is about how the ‘power of people coming together and caring’ can make the world a better place and bring justice.


Very heart-warming, isn’t it? If I were a supporter of the Kony movement, I would be inclined to feel great about myself in playing my little part in this movement. Who knows, maybe they will even catch Kony one day.


However, being one who is not asleep to the prevalence and extent of abuse in our world, one of the first questions I had to ask was “what about all the other atrocities in this world that are taking place which are not being address/given equal attention to as the Kony campaign? Why is one issue/group of people being valued more highly than another?”


Why is the same amount of attention being brought to issues such as: animal abuse and factory farming, prostitution and sex trafficking, starvation, other various wars and conflicts taking place throughout the world, issues of poverty and economic inequality – just to name a few. This is always my first point of contention with any ‘cause’ or ‘movement’ for justice/a better world – does it address/regard all life equally? Is it a complete solution that recognizes the nature of the system itself as abusive and is thus relevant as a solution to all the various subsequent outflows of a system that is based in inequality?


Because otherwise – if this is a solution to the lives of some and not others –then it would appear that this is a vendetta of specialized interest – which, upon watching the Kony documentary, it does.


Don’t get me wrong, I have been down this path before – the ‘cause’ path – I am fighting for a ‘cause’ and ‘this is my charity’ – the desire to be a good person. What I had found throughout all my efforts was that much of my action taken had in fact been based in guilt, self judgment and regret, and that even those points I had been using as an excuse to wallow in my own inability (choice) to not actually change myself for the better. I focused on ‘the cause out there’ so that I didn’t have to change ‘the problem in here’ – ME.


This goes back to what I mentioned about the prevalence of abuse within our world system. What I found was that it was each one that is individually equally responsible for creating and perpetuating the world systems (primarily the money system) that create such catastrophic outflows as all the social issues that I mentioned above. Thus I realized that as a real solution, it was myself – as well as each and every single other human being – that required self investigation as to how I am existing and what I am creating, and subsequently: what are the systems that I am participating within that are creating the world as it exist today?


The reason why charity or any kind of a charitable solution was not mentioned in that last paragraph is that charity is in fact not a way of taking self responsibility, because it is implying that one is stepping in to be a savior and solve a pre-existing problem – it is not implying that one is stepping in to solve a problem that THEY have created. And if this is the case, is this not a point of blame? Where one becomes so shocked and appalled at what the apparent ‘bad guys’ have done that they can then step into the situation like some kind of hero and save the day?


This is like the knee jerk reaction that we are conditioned to have with social issues and charities. We are NOT conditioned in a way where we see how we are directly responsible for creating the conditions/outflows that exist in this world. We ARE conditioned to want to be good, to be Hollywood heros, to fight the ‘bad guys’ – but what if there are ‘no bad guys’ because in fact each one is equally responsible on an individual level for creating the world as it exist? What if the creation of the ‘good guy’ to fight the ‘bad guy’ was in fact just perpetuating the evil that exist in this world to continue to exist because we are In no way actually getting to the core/reality of how abuse is created in this world in the first place.


That is why supporting a real solution is such a difficult thing to do and requires REAL self-movement – is because it is not pre-programmed! We are not conditioned to question the money system. We are not conditioned within the principle of equality – that there are no real heros or villains, that those are just roles that are created through a system of unequal value, intrinsically within which polar opposites will always be created. If we were conditioned this way, the world would have already started to become a better place by now, for real.


What charity has otherwise only done is ‘cut the head off dandy lions’ – to borrow a phrase I picked up today. It is trying to erase a problem in one place by reacting to it – rather than actually ‘cutting it off at the course. You see, all things in this world cost money – even inequality and abuse have to be financed to exist – and likewise so does a solution – we have to allocate the financial resources to real, sustainable solutions. If we do not re-design our monetary system in a way where money does not have power over life, and where money is always allocated in a way that will best honor life – then these kinds of scenarios as outflows of the current money system will always manifest. We will get rid of one Kony – and another will appear somewhere else in the world.


This is the nature of the current money system. It is here in support of self interest, of abuse, of spiteful competition, in the pursuit of power and control. As long as we are existing within such a monetary culture, where starting point is of scarcity of resources due to our self interested fight for survival, there scenarios will manifest again and again – as our history has shown us.


Thus, a new money system is the only real solution, and I understand that this will be difficult for many to understand because standing up for a new equal money system is not in our programmed, conditioned definitions/ideas of what it is to do a noble, good thing with real integrity – that has been sabotaged through charity.


I understand the temptation of it. With charity, you get to feel like your making a real difference. You feel better about yourself. You feel like your doing something for the better and from this you feel absolved. Sounds nice and feels great and warm and fuzzy – but is this not the most dangerous thing when solving the problem in fact requires that one recognize themselves as part of what is creating the problem? We require to understand HOW.


But this will require real common sense as you will not be conditioned/programmed/brainwashed to support an equal money system. There is no wonderful feeling that will possess you in taking part in supporting an equal money system because the socially agreed upon value of supporting equal money as being a noble thing – doesn’t exist! You will not be recognized as a wonderful, good person because that view doesn’t exist yet. You will not have a large rally of people all around you to make you feel good and energized because you are no longer and army fighting for a cause – you are an individual taking self responsibility.


Supporting an equal money system is the hardest thing in the world to do because you have not been brainwashed to do it. Otherwise the world would have changed by now. It is no easy task and requires real self movement and self honesty. What else would you expect when it comes to changing the world for real?

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Depression and Equal Money

The following is a copy of a letter I wrote today to Michael Landsberg – a popular sports talk show host in Canada – who has recently been opening and talking about his issues with depression, and recent campaign to support the mental illness.

“Hi Michael.

I applaud your work in recognizing a point of self responsibility in where you can have an impact and make a difference in this world.

As someone who had struggled with depression all my life – and in the past have only really found ways of temporary relief from my depression, until recently in the last couple years, where I have actually began to make real progress out of it that can’t be ‘gone back on’ – I would like to share with you my perspective on depression.

Firstly, I had to inevitably face the reality that – like all things in my life – my experience of depression was self-created. This was key in taking self responsibility to actually stop creating this experience for myself, rather than ‘giving my power away’ to something or someone outside of myself within a point of blame, as something/someone else being responsible for my depression – that is dis-empowering to say the least, and is simply not how it works.

Yes, don’t get me wrong, from a certain perspective, there are what you could call ‘outside’ worldly factors and influences that supported me in this self created experience, but from from an ever broader perspective, I had to take self responsibility in realizing my own point of how I am contributing – just as every other individual in this world is – to how this world is in the grand scheme of things – so, in an indirect, roundabout sort of way, I realized that I as an individual am contributing to the creation of these outer manifestations that are then having an influence on my life and the lives of others. It may be complex, we may not be exactly certain of the intricacies of how this works, but without a doubt, I am certain of this one point – who else is making up our outer reality but each and every single human being who is participating within it?

We can’t blame the corporations – we are the corporations and we support the corporations – we can’t blame the government, we are and we support the government – we can’t blame the media, we are and we support the media – etc.

So, to sum up where I am going with this, I have found that the greatest cure for depression – and all mental illnesses for that matter – is a reality check – how does our world actually in fact operate and function, how do we actually in fact operate and function. After all, the very essence of mental illness is that of delusion/illusion – living in an individualized, perceptual reality that is self constructed, using the things around us as the stuff with which we create our delusional realities.

One of the absolute worst things I have found that we can do when treating mental illness like depression is to ‘focus on the positive’ – an age old tactic that has never changed anything in the bigger picture, over eons of time. It purely provides another temporary perceptual relief, where we rebound for a short time but always end up back in the same situation because the real issues that have caused the depression are not actually uncovered and resolved.

This is not to mention that some people really are in fact in very dire, tough circumstances/situations in their lives – no job, no money, illness etc – so from this perspective the depression is quite ‘real’ – and attempting to ‘focus on the positive’ is about the worst thing a person could try to do to get out of such situations – it is useless – only real, practically lived and applied corrective actions can change these situations. I’m not suggesting that in this case becoming depressed or focusing on the negative for the sake of further damning yourself into not changing your circumstance is the solution either.

But we have to face the facts – we live in a messed up world where there is no real such thing as ‘friendly competition’ – it is a dog eat dog world in which people are forced to compete mercilessly in pursuit of survival. Over half the worlds’ population live on less than 2.5 dollars a day, over 1 billion are living on the breadline and roughly 30 000 people die every day from starvation – a preventable atrocity – just as an example.

Frankly, as long as there are winners and losers within the context of this world system that we call capitalism – depression is inevitable – just as so many other atrocities are inevitable and predictable.

Thus – while it is cool to support individuals in the ‘smaller picture’ in stopping depression, I have found that the most effective way to stop depression, mental illness and so many other atrocities, is to correct this context of a ‘dog eat dog’ world of merciless competition, greed and self interest – this can be done through stopping the competition for survival and revolutionizing our world systems – primarily the monetary  system – to one that ensures that all life is taken care of, that all life is supported equally and given an equal chance to live a full, dignified life.

To eliminate the real world issues that cause depression in the first place – abuse, exploitation, poverty, starvation , violence – etc.

If you have not heard of this yet, I suggest you investigate the Desteni group, a group of people from all over the world who are supporting a revolution in the monetary system – known as the ‘Equal Money System’ – to put an end to all forms of abuse once and for all, and create a system where all life is valued and supported equally.

I can see that, while you recognize that while you have an ego, you have a desire to be a good person Michael – let’s put that to the test – I dare you to investigate the equal money system and support a world that is best for all, where all can live a dignified life.



Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

What I Realized when I Became a Vegetarian

A few years ago, I tried vegetarianism after seeing the movie ‘Earthlings’ – a movie everyone should see. After about a year of this, my body was suffering quite badly, I was losing a lot of muscle mass and my body was beginning to ache and strain, even though I would supplement with other proteins. From this I was forced to start eating meat again, but since this time I have learned some fascinating things. Firstly, I found that all animal abuse – and all other forms of abuse in this world – can be traced back to the abusive nature of man which is proliferated and perpetuated through the money system. Within the current economic system, LIFE itself has no value – only profit, greed and self interest – it is inherently spiteful and life will always be disregarded in favor of what is profitable.

Thus I found that the most effective way to stop all animal abuse in this world is to take on the money system and work towards establishing a new system that values ALL life equally. Unfortunately, boycotting meat will not have an effect on this situation and the billions of animals that are slaughtered inhumanely in the name of profit. I also found that there was nothing ‘honorable’ about eating only plants as they are also living organisms that experience themselves in ways more complexly than we may understand. The point I found is of abuse, not necessarily about killing or not killing – because unfortunately, at this point in our evolution, we are required to consume to survive, and there is nothing honorable about this.

The point is to regard life equally – kill how you would like to be killed – if you had to be consumed for another being to live on, how would you want this? That is the closest we can come to a point of honor – to live our daily practical living with the understanding and recognition that other beings are giving up their existence so that ours may continue.

What will we do within this understanding? Who will we be then?

To support an end to this atrocity we have made of life, I suggest you investigate and support the equal money system – where live is the value and a dignified life for all is what is striven for in every way.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Having a Conscience isn’t Enough

Since I began participating with Desteni, my perception of the world and myself has changed a lot. Initially, a lot of this shift in perception was due to being exposed to the truth of our reality and ourselves – what is really going on in this world and with human beings.

To say the least, it was shocking, disgusting, horrid – I realized the nature of how this world is actually existing, and it isn’t pretty.

From this, I have developed somewhat of a ‘conscience’, purely by looking at what is going on and realizing: this is not right, this is unacceptable – this is no kind of world and no one should ever have this kind of experience.

But even though Desteni has ‘triggered this point’ of prompting me to create a conscience, I wonder if it is really about Desteni – because if this were another life and, let’s say, I had never found Desteni – I could see a multitude of other ways in which I could have developed this conscience. The reason I say this is because what Desteni showed – or rather ‘revealed’ – to me, was what is already here in this world. Animal abuse, environmental abuse, drug abuse, violence, murder, war, rape, molestation, etc.

I could have developed a conscience through seeing these points – even just one of the, especially just one of them – and through this, become an activist.

The problem with this is that it is often done through and as a matter of reaction and misunderstanding. That is why I say it is especially from only seeing one (or maybe just a few) of these points that we develop a conscience and become activists for only certain specific causes, because by not seeing all of these points and ‘connecting the dots’ in terms of what they are showing me about myself, about the ‘nature of who’ I am inside myself, I would then not understand in fact these things that I am seeing in my world, because I am not seeing the very essence/nature of the point that is in fact creating the point, and all these other points – myself.

What all of the points are reflecting – every single point of abuse that exists in this world, no matter what form or extent it takes on – is in fact a reflection/extension of self as who I am as the very nature that I have accepted and allowed myself to become and exist as.

Thus, within the context of only seeing one or a few points not actually ‘connecting all the dots’ and ‘bringing the points back to self’, what will then tend to happen is that a misunderstanding is created, because self is in fact not understanding how self and each and every human being as the nature of mankind is creating everything that exists in our world. Within that act of then separating ourselves from these manifestations in our world, we will then tend to create an ego/identity of standing as the polar opposite of these points as one who is apparently superior, not responsible and ‘knows better’.

That is like a super duper fuck up because not only do we not see how we are creating the problem, we actually through not understanding how we create it, will then create it more through blame and further self justification in defense of the way that we are already currently existing – this human nature that exist in separation, disregard and abuse of life as others outside of ourselves!

It is easy to look at any atrocity in this world and say “that’s not right” – because a ‘but’ can always follow.

“That’s not right, but it is those bad people that must stop doing this.”

“That’s not right, but this is what happens when these other people do this and this other stuff happens.

Whether you appear as if you are taking responsibility for it or not is irrelevant. Whether you recognize it as bad or not is irrelevant. Because the point is about justification: finding a reason why this is happening in order to justify our inaction and taking self responsibility to take practical actions that will in fact stop these atrocities. Have a look:

“That’s not right, but it is God’s will.”

“That’s not right, but life isn’t fair.”

In the first two examples I gave, someone else is responsible for the problem, and they must change – but this is a point that a person can only ‘fight’ – they have no power to in fact change the others that are being blamed. In the second two examples, it is also accepting a point of something outside of self that is responsible, that also cannot be changed.

Thus, I have just shown how having a ‘higher conscience’ and being an activist – as a ‘charitable person who fights for a cause’ – is not enough. No one cause can be fought for, because there is no one to fight as everyone in this world is individually responsible for how this world exists, and the whole world is in a mess – it is selfish and short sighted to only look at any one cause or handful of causes.

It is human nature itself that must be corrected through self forgiveness – as every atrocity that has ever been created in the history of earth has been nothing more than an outflow of who we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become and exist as, and continue to live out every single day of our lives.

Self honesty and self forgiveness are the key.

If you are interested in taking self responsibility for your world in a practical, non-hypocritical ‘self first’ kind of way, I suggest to investigate the Desteni I Process, and the Equal Money System – before it is too late.


Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

How was I able to hear the Desteni message? My story of finding Desteni

I can never remember a time in my life where I was truly happy – yet in my life, I have had experiences of extreme happiness, extreme emotional ‘highs’, and lots and lots of good and great experiences of love, light and bliss.


Yet, I have never been satisfied, I have never experienced myself and my world in a way where I lived in absolute certainty in happiness with myself and my world. If anything it was the contrary – all that ever seemed to stand out about my life were the ‘bad points’ – no matter how much ‘good’ I believed myself to be experiencing. In many ways I always hated life and rejected a lot of what I had experienced in my world.


Since a young age, I always remember wanting a ‘way out’, like I was trapped, stuck in this reality without any understanding, perspective, insight or direction to what is going on in this world and inside myself. From this, I had never really ‘settled’ on a version of life, on a way of life – I tried, don’t get me wrong, I tried to fit the molds, I played the part and sometimes I did a damn good job of it. But at the same time, it was almost as if I always ‘kept an eye out’ for another way, I looked for that something else, that something hidden, almost like some form of God as a point of reference and direction in my world.


I never found it. I became so lost in fact that by the age of 22, I had lost virtually everything in my world, save shelter and food, and even then it was not in ideal situation. I lost my long term girlfriend and everything that I had invested in love and my relationship was long destroyed and sullied, I lost my job, I lost my home, I became estranged from close family and hated what other family wanted to stay close to me, I lost my band which I had worked on for years and all future prospects of ‘making it in this world were being destroyed, and within this all I had lost myself as I had became heavily addicted to drugs.


This is when I began to question things and do research, because I wanted answers. I began researching things looking for answers as to why my life was so fucked up, and why so many peoples lives were so fucked up – most people – because at this point I could finally begin to relate to how most people in this world are actually experiencing life. It is not pretty, and all of the pretty pictures/dreams/hopes that I had surrounded myself which I had illusioned myself with were faded or destroyed.


In my research, I began to figure things out. I began to see that it was not just me that had become so fucked up, but that it was most people and most importantly it was the people who were in power of control of this world who were actually the most nefarious of all. This changed a lot for me because I was becoming so accustomed to believing that I was the one who was born in sin, that I am evil and there is something wrong with me and that this is just the way I am.


I became sick of my own suffering, and more than anything, I began to stand up out of self respect to find out: what the fuck is really going on in this world?

I did tons of research, I scoured the internet and began learning the essence of just about every aspect of this world in search for answers. However, as much as I learned, and as much as my eyes began to open to some things, I still never found like I found that one ‘ultimate point’ of direction, that contextualizes and gives perspective and understanding to all things in this world – this one point that ‘connected all the dots’.


Then one night I was up late just browsing the internet – it was like I didn’t even know what I was looking for. I began watching old Kurt Cobain interviews, because I had basically been reminded of a long-lost chapter in my life where I was a big Kurt Cobain fan. I don’t know why, but in a way it was like a point of ‘getting back to myself’ in revisiting the past.


There was a link on the side to another video that had Kurt Cobains’ name in the title, I clicked it without knowing what it was and began watching it.


Suddenly, (what I thought was) a little boy in a white room began speaking. I had no idea what it was and yet I was compelled. The person started talking about vampires, saying humans were vampires, and then started explaining about how human beings are mind consciousness systems who were basically nothing more than zombies sucking the life out of each other.


I didn’t fully understand it, and yet everything seemed to make complete sense. I had no reference, yet none of it I could argue with – and the expression was actually like watching my own expression, but just put into a vocabulary and context that I had not found within myself to express myself. This is all not to mention the pureness of the words being spoken. I am used to hearing real bullshit everywhere in this world and I had become extremely good at being a bullshitter myself, so the few times that I could see a person speaking truth, it was very noticeable.


I had a sense of ‘ I don’t know what this is, but there is something going on here, something profound – this is something that I know I must investigate’, and I did.


 4 Years later my life has changed a lot, and all for the better. It has been a very rough period in my life, and yet through all the difficult times I must say that I have grown, with the support, assistance and perspective that I had provided myself by investigating the Desteni material further. As I mentioned, I did not fully grasp it wall in the beginning, and so I made a commitment to myself that I would investigate and research until I understood. It was purely a matter of self honesty at this point in my life where I had – through losing everything and becoming totally lost – realized that I never have ever had a real education in this world, and that I had NO idea what was actually going on in this world.


That in itself is a statement of humility in self honesty, yet it was losing everything that allowed my to realize this as there is a tendency to not question things and assume that we have it all figured out when we have money in our pockets and our life is ‘working out’.


But through the difficult times I was enabled to actually stand up – to actually transcend a false sense of ‘knowing it all’, start living with some self respect and actually, to myself self-honestly look in the mirror and say – I will not stop until I have figured this out, I will not stop until I have sorted myself out.


From this perspective I would say money can be one of the most dangerous things to have and I would be very careful about the tendency to get settled and ‘comfortable’ in this world. That is real deceptive stuff when you live in a world of absolute abuse, suffering and lack where most people are suffering because they don’t have what you have and they desperately want what you have. That is dangerous.


And despite even being fucked up already and having huge ego problems by this point in my life I could not deny one point: that I was suffering, that this world was suffering, and it is from this perspective that I say that the Desteni message is one of self respect.


Now, I dare myself and I dare everyone every day to stand up and live with self respect. Investigate what we share and do at Desteni, get involved, support yourself, assist yourself, and in turn support others and stop the abuse and suffering that is so prevalent in the lives of everyone in this world.


Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment