I noticed within me today a tendency I have – it is basically the want and desire to ‘tell other people how it is’, meaning in terms of morality, right and wrong, how things/they should be and ‘what’s going on’ in a way that is like, giving them a ‘rude awakening’.
Now this ‘rude awakening’ tends to go hand in hand with realization in process – in seeing things for what they are in our world/lives, it can be a an experience of having your whole world turned upside down and as a result, can be a very ‘rude’ experience – disheartening, disenfranchising. The problem is that that is only a ‘bi-product’ of self realization and becoming aware of one’s world – it is the not the reason for/starting point of having such realizations – to simply have a ‘rude awakening experience’ that is like a difficult, unpleasant experience to have.
This desire to ‘come down hard’ on people is about me – not about process and what is necessary to be done as what is best for all life – as a way of making myself superior/more than/better than/knowing more than/special. I often have these experiences playing out in my head as my back-chat, and realized today that I must do self forgiveness on this point, and not allow these thoughts to accumulate into me eventually stupidly acting out based on these thoughts.
And what is the initial belief? That I am ‘more special than’ – when I am in fact existing as the exact opposite (otherwise the belief wouldn’t exist) – that I am existing as ‘less than’, where I am abdicating my self responsibility as life, and upon abdicating myself, I have projected the desire to stand up onto others, and my own self judgment for not standing I am then projecting onto others as ‘what they are doing wrong and what they should do’. Such morality stuff is bullshit and definitely not what process is about. Process is a standing- for all life, equally – thus each one is equally responsible, and of course, equally ‘guilty’ as creators and abusers. Standing up for life is then unconditional, not personal (never about me and the other person only) and if the ‘rude awakening’ experience happen – it is really of no importance to me, and as mentioned, is only life a ‘side effect’ – not to be seen as the main part of the experience that stands out. And if I were to happen to succeed and bring up this experience – that is a real fuck up because I am engaging this person or point from the starting point of morality – a real fuck up in misunderstanding – I am misleading, and then giving myself the false sense of self righteousness which I desired in the very first place, to delude myself into not taking self responsibility. What a fuck up!
I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to judge myself as good or bad based on whether or not I am applying myself in my process.
I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to project my self judgment as me being ‘bad’ for not applying myself in process – onto others.
I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to be self righteous with regards to process.
I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to judge others
I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to want and desire to feel self righteous, instead of actually acting and living within and as consideration of what is best for all life.
I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to define myself as good and self righteous for applying myself in my process. I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to judge others as ‘bad’ for not applying themselves within their process.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize or take into consideration ‘where other people are coming from’ to see where they are currently standing and simply judge them as good/bad or standing/not standing.
I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to want and desire to ‘come down hard’ on others for who they are or what they have done.
I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to want to desire to ‘tell other people how it is/give them a rude awakening’
I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to want and desire to have power and control and be more special than others by standing as morally superior or within a ‘more profound understanding’ of things
I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to believe that having knowledge of process or standing up and applying myself within my process – makes me more special than or morally superior and have attempted to use this belief of being morally superior/more special to have power, control and dominance over others
I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to want and desire to have power and control over others.
I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to become gentle as my own standing of self forgiveness and living self change.
I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to realize the position I am in of being able to apply myself actively within my process and having an understanding of process and that I am for the moment, fortunate to be in such a position.
I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to deceive myself into making myself feel morally superior to others by justifying my actions as beneficial towards process within the belief that such judgment/anger/manipulation is beneficial towards another person standing up
I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to use anger, judgment and morality to manipulate others into standing up, applying themselves in process and self realizing.
Self corrective statement:
When the desire to ‘tell others how it is’ arise as my thoughts about others – I stop – I breathe, I see the pattern, where it arise and how it will play out – I stop the thoughts and I do not act based on the thoughts – I breathe until the energy passes. I rather look at myself, what the point is that I would like to talk to the other person, look at my reaction towards them/the point, and see where that same point is existing within and as my own life or why it is that I am reacting to that point which I am seeing.