Self respect is the true act of a rebel

We are born into a world replete with abuse. Before not long into our existences on this earth, we begin experiencing acts of abuse – we see people abusing themselves, each other, and inevitably we are abused. In terms of the example we are given, we don’t stand much of a chance but to be abused, and with this being some of our earliest and most prominent experiences, it is not long before we begin copying this abusive behavior and identifying with it.

Yet despite not having much of a chance of having an experience of ourselves here in this world that is free of abuse, despite the awfulness of such experiences of the things that we observe and that are done unto us – it is always us in the end that copy this behavior.

Before not long it has become a way of life and we have adopted this way of life so extensively that it becomes normal, and within such plight it is almost as if the human goes completely insane, becomes completely demented – and we begin painting pretty pictures over the abuse, we begin creating beautiful  bullshit stories of love and light. – these are serious mental conditions.

We cry out, sure. We become angry, sure. We look for different ways, sure. We blame, sure. We justify, sure. Yet have a look – who has been doing it all along, and why? We have, and it has all been under the guise that this is apparently our ‘expression’ – we begin to enjoy our own self abuse, we begin to enjoy abusing others. Have a look at alcohol – this is absolute self abuse in every way within the belief that one is enjoying oneself. Look at the pursuit of wealth accumulation – we are abusing tacitly by gaining wealth where others lose wealth and become impoverished, within the belief that ‘life is getting better’.

And then one day when we are fortunate to fall out of our delusion and hit the ground hard – it is often only then may we begin to actually stand and begin asking – WHY? Why do I enjoy HURTING myself? Why do I enjoy pain? Why do I enjoy suffering? Why am I doing this to myself??

While all along we had simply been dishonest with ourselves. We lied to ourselves about what self enjoyment apparently is, we lied to ourselves that we are apparently free and expressive when in fact we have enslaved ourselves, when in fact we never even learned the meaning of self-respect.

We did it to ourselves – thus who is the real enemy? We are – you are your own worst enemy. Thus from this perspective, we must face ourselves, free ourselves, forgive ourselves – we must rebel against ourselves, and within this, it is truly the greatest and perhaps the only real act of rebellion that could ever really exist – because within this each one walks alone and we no longer look to others for who we will be, we no longer look to our world experience for who we will be, we no longer look to any form of God for who we will be. We stand up and become everything that we have ever wanted, hoped, wished and dreamed for – we realize ourselves here within and as the physical as who we really are as LIFE.

For discussion and more information on what it means to really stand up and be a true rebel, visit www.desteni.org and www.desteniiprocess.com

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Self forgiveness on misdirection in self movement

January 15, 2012

 

I just had a big reaction to my mother – abusing herself – looking for the miracle cure to her problems – I said what I said to her because I really see a lot of bullshit, but there was lots of reaction, judgment and fear. What am I reacting to? Well there is obviously self delusion, the search for a savior, the search for answers outside of common sense, not even considering another way, not even giving herself a chance, and actually standing up for her self-abuse, fighting for her limitation, promoting it, hurting herself and others through it. I judge her as dumb, stupid, slow. It is like she doesn’t even see how defensive she is.

 

Then there is the whole power and control point – actually believing she is in power and control, getting angry and defiant when others challenge her, and playing the role of a victim. It goes on and on, and all the meanwhile – presenting herself like a good person and authority in a rightful position of power! I am so sick of being deceived by bullshitter women who know nothing but fucking self abuse and spitefully present themselves this way towards others, as if they are these wonderful beings. I actually believe this bullshit. I actually believe another will save me, I actually believe that the answer is in another. I actually believe I need and require another or something outside and separate from myself as a woman, or stuff, or an identity of power and control. And I am holding onto it righteously like she is. I actually believe that surrounding myself with slaves and pets who have no self respect is making me more powerful and strong.

 

It’s not even the endless search for a cure actually, it is the idea that we have found a cure and are using it and living it. I have not been fully living this process, not to its fullest, not to the absolute that I am aware that I can apply myself. And I either do it or not, no middle of the road. I know I can do more and I know I focus on other things when I am aware of the actual points that I am allowing and must/can stop….that it I clearly must stop. Ah – this is the point! I have been focusing on other things as a way to ‘let these other points I’m allowing slide’ – like school, work, making money, music, entertainment. A couple of those must be done as requirements but again they are not the only things that need to be done, they are just part of this greater overall process. I have used fear as an excuse, fear of loss, but it is just fear of facing myself, which makes me stupid lol. How can I have self respect when I allow myself to fall so foolishly, I am doomed to judge myself! I have even used foods to try and save me from this problem that I am aware I am creating and manifesting.

 

I have used the fear of not having money, the fear of failing school, the fear of losing others and the fear of survival to justify this, basically as a distraction. I am actually allowing these fears and creating them as I do not apply myself fully – not applying self honesty and self forgiveness is a sure recipe for disaster and failure!

 

Specifically, I am seeing now that this ‘search for answers’ that I am reacting to is my deeply engrained tendency to find a woman and a partner. Even the desire to turn these relationships into ‘supportive’ ones as agreement is deception. Self Sabotage. I must show myself and prove that I am walking alone unconditionally before I can even consider such a thing. Even within this experience now, here writing, I have only been brought to this point out of consequences – severe pain and conflict – not self movement. This is what it has taken for me to get straight to the point – from this perspective it is cool to stop trying to save others and simply allow for – consequence – as tough as that can be to watch – but stop believing that it is so bad to watch because in the end it is what is necessary. Sure it is sad that this route has been chosen, but wallowing in sadness is pointless.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to judge my mother as dumb, stupid and slow

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to judge my mother for what she is showing me – and not realizing that this is me showing me myself 

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that another – as woman/the ideally presented woman – can save me or is the answer for me

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself that the perfect life will save me/is the answer for me as the ideal woman, social standing, job and money. I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have created the idea of the perfect life and followed/enslaved myself to this ideal.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to believe that taking advantage of those who allow themselves to be weak – brings me power and that this sense of power is real when in fact, I am equal to them in having no power, being weak and abuse myself/have no respect for myself

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become stagnant and not apply myself fully within my process within the idea and belief that I have found Desteni and since I have found Desteni, everything is suddenly ‘ok’ and ‘will take care of itself’- not realizing that this is constant continual process of self moving self to uncover and correct self

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use fear of failing in school fear of losing money, fear of losing friends and family – as an excuse to not apply myself fully by distracting myself with ‘other priorities’ as what must apparently be done – not realizing that all things start with self as this will determine who self is within all experiences

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to de-rail myself and divert myself and my attention away from what is here and is required to be done within the belief that the answers and my apparent fulfillment LIE in making money, having the ‘ideal’ career and having the ‘ideal’ girlfriend/partner – not realizing that these are deceptions that I have created and carried with me from a young age that are in fact based in self deception, self interest, self spite, fear, and a misunderstanding of who I really am as life.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be a victim and helpless and within this belief, sabotage myself into not standing up and living/applying myself.

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Self forgiveness on inferiority/superity beliefs and expectations

January 12, 2012

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am more than I am as superiority and within this belief, create an expectation of myself to do more than I realistically can do.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist as inferiority and within this existence/essence of myself, believe and expect that I am limited and that I am not able to walk this slow, steady process

 

This is a process. We say it so much it is almost cliché, but I am learning more what this statement actually means as I learn and apply myself within and as my process.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to give up on myself within and as moments of resistance.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to judge myself and give up on myself based on being disappointed with myself because I did not live up to false/unrealistic expectations of myself

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Self forgiveness on the desire to feel smart

January 1, 2012

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to appear intelligent in front of others through speaking/using vocabulary by speaking eloquently or using exclusive or large vocabulary, or even in the simplicity of explaining something effectively – forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to get high and excited within this experience

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use speaking and communicating ideas to others as a way of making myself look/feel/appear intelligent/smart/worthy

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to attempt to give myself a feeling of self worth/self value through speaking and communicating effectively, eloquently, intellectually, profoundly or intelligently to other people, based on the way they see and interpret and judge me

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to separate myself from and as intelligence as intellectuality/overcompensating through intellectuality and the attempt to appear and feel intelligent

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to play dumb by accepting and allowing myself as intelligent, only as an idea of myself as who I am that requires convincing and reinforcement from others and myself

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself as intelligence as the simplicity of my expression here in self honest common sense

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as intelligent/smart/intellectual

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge and believe myself to be stupid/dumb/not smart/not intelligent

 

I give value to me as I am value. I give worth to me as I am worth. I stand as the living expression of self worth/self value through and as the simplicity of remaining here as breath, here in self honest common sense, expressing me as who I am as life.

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ให้อภัยตนเองในจุดของการให้ขึ้น’ในตัวเอง

ฉันให้อภัยตัวเองที่ฉันได้รับการยอมรับและได้รับอนุญาตให้ตัวเองเพื่อให้ขึ้นในตัวเองอยู่ภายในและเป็นกระบวนการของฉันให้อภัยตัวเอง

ฉันให้อภัยตัวเองที่ฉันได้รับการยอมรับและได้รับอนุญาตตัวเองให้เชื่อได้ว่าให้ขึ้นมีอยู่และที่หลบหนีอยู่

ฉันให้อภัยตัวเองที่ฉันได้รับการยอมรับและได้รับอนุญาตให้ตัวเองเพื่อการละเมิดความไว้วางใจตัวเองเป็นความผิดพลาดด้วยตนเองโดยไม่ได้อาศัยอยู่คำพูดของฉัน

ฉันให้อภัยตัวเองที่ฉันได้รับการยอมรับและได้รับอนุญาตตัวเองที่จะก่อวินาศกรรมตัวเองโดยโทษให้อภัยตัวเองเป็นไม่ได้อาศัยอยู่และใช้คำพูดของฉันของโทษตัวเองที่นี่ภายในและเป็นทางกายภาพ

ฉันให้อภัยตัวเองที่ฉันได้รับการยอมรับและได้รับอนุญาตตัวเองให้เดินผ่านจุดของการให้ขึ้นกับตัวเอง

ฉันให้อภัยตัวเองที่ฉันได้รับการยอมรับและได้รับอนุญาตตัวเองให้ไม่เห็นจุดของการให้ขึ้นสำหรับสิ่งที่มันเป็น — ประสบการณ์ชั่วขณะของการถอนความกระตือรือร้นและมีการหลอกลวงตัวเอง / การจัดการตนเอง

ฉันให้อภัยตัวเองว่าฉันได้รับอนุญาตให้ตัวเองเพื่ออภิปรายกับตัวเองด้วยการไปถึงจุดของการให้ขึ้น / ยืนเป็นวิธีการหลอกลวงที่ / การจัดการตัวเองผ่านทางความคิดและไตร่ตรอง

ฉันให้อภัยตัวเองที่ฉันได้รับการยอมรับและได้รับอนุญาตตัวเองจะไม่ทำสิ่งที่จะยืนขึ้นและเดินผ่านจุดของการให้ขึ้นกับตัวเอง

ฉันให้อภัยตัวเองที่ฉันได้รับการยอมรับและได้รับอนุญาตให้ตัวเองเพื่อให้ขึ้นในตัวเองและผู้อื่นโดยการกำจัดวัชพืชสูบบุหรี่ในเวลากลางคืน

ฉันให้อภัยตัวเองที่ฉันได้รับการยอมรับและได้รับอนุญาตตัวเองที่จะเชื่อว่าจุดนี้ / ประสบการณ์ของการให้ขึ้นเป็นจริง / อยู่ — และค่อนข้างไม่เห็นมันสำหรับสิ่งที่เป็นจุดของการหลอกลวงการจัดการ / ตัวเองด้วยตนเอง

ฉันให้อภัยตัวเองที่ฉันได้รับอนุญาตให้ตัวเองไปยืนจากจุดเริ่มต้นของการก่อการร้ายและไม่ได้เป็นอย่างใดอย่างหนึ่งเป็นสิ่งที่เท่าเทียมกัน — สำหรับและเป็นตัวเองเป็นที่ฉัน

ฉันให้อภัยตัวเองที่ฉันได้รับการยอมรับและได้รับอนุญาตให้ตัวเองเพื่อไม่ทราบว่าโดยการให้ขึ้นและศรัทธาใน / ที่เข้าร่วมโครงการภายในประสบการณ์ของการให้ขึ้นที่ว่าฉันจริงเพียงการยืดอายุของการมีความจำเป็นที่จะยืนขึ้นได้อย่างเต็มที่ส่วนร่วมอย่างเต็มที่และ AM ทำให้กระบวนการนี​​้หลีกเลี่ยงไม่ได้ยากมากขึ้นเกี่ยวกับตัวเอง

ฉันให้อภัยตัวเองที่ฉันได้รับการยอมรับและได้รับอนุญาตตัวเองให้เป็นเรื่องยากที่เกี่ยวกับตัวเอง / ให้กระบวนการของฉันที่ยากมากเกี่ยวกับตัวเองมากกว่าก็จะต้อง

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Self forgiveness on the point of ‘giving up’ on myself

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself within and as my process of self forgiveness

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that giving up exists and that an escape exists

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to abuse self trust as self forgiveness by not living my words

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself by abusing self forgiveness as not living and applying my words of self forgiveness here within and as the physical

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted And allowed myself to walk through the point of giving up on myself

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see the point of giving up for what it is – a momentary experience of energetic withdrawal and self deception/self manipulation

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted allowed myself to debate with myself with regards to the point of giving up/standing as a way of deceiving/manipulating myself through thought and contemplation

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not do what it takes to stand up and walk through the point of giving up on myself

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself and others by smoking weed at night time

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that this point/experience of giving up is real/exist – and rather have not seen it for what it is as a point of self manipulation/self deception

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to stand from the starting point of rebellion and not as one as all as equal – for and as self as who I am

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that by giving up and believing in/participating within the experience of giving up, that I am actually only prolonging the inevitability of having to stand up fully, participate fully, and am making this inevitable process more difficult on myself

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself /make my process more difficult on myself than it has to be

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Talking self responsibility for feelings

Today I came across this quote:

 

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

 

It sounds like a statement of self responsibility – about who you are to others – yet this is a deceptive statement as it is based on the assumption that you are responsible for how another feels – that anyone is responsible for how another feels. Does it really work like that? Is anybody in this world responsible for your feelings, but you? No – you have created the point – and another is merely stimulating it, impulsing it.

 

Thus what is the apparent statement of self responsibility in this sentence – it is actually a statement of ownership, implied and accepted tacitly that ‘the way it works’ – that this person owns you, has control over you. Why would we want to believe this? Why would we assume to believe that others are responsible for how we feel and experience ourselves? It is self defeating – it is taking away self responsibility from the individual and it is a statement of blame and justification.

 

I’d suggest that we do not subscribe to such bullshit but rather take self responsibility for our thoughts, feelings and emotions and rather than wallow stuck in blame and justification in how apparently others are to blame for ‘what they have done to me’, create an experience for ourselves wherein we are the directive principle within our own life – firstly through forgiving that which we have created ourselves as – beings who falls easy pray to our own mental constructs which then make us weak to the influences and actions of others.

 

To learn how to become the directive principle within your own life, learn more about self forgiveness at http://www.desteni.co.za

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